#ThatAwkwardMomentWhen...

...the most important person in your world becomes just another person that you "don't want to talk to."

I don't like how he treats me anyway... so why does it hurt?

I don't care what you say, Elly... That boy was the catalyst for my depression... And the sad part is, I think he knows.


I'll continue to work hard at being a better person... But to be quite honest, humanity in general is just pissing me off lately. Buskers are jerks, musicians are so one-track that it's mind-bogglingly insane, weaboo otakus are still their old weaboo otakus (the self-righteous ones piss me off the most), singers both online and offline are stuck somewhere between buskers and musicians, and the only people I ever really want to hang out with these days are either Tina or Elly. (Although, with Tina, she rarely goes out unless it's for a movie or something.. And Elly's usually busy with animation.)

I should just be like my mom. Stay at home, clean the house, watch a movie or drama, read a book, sleep. I don't even want to do BTC anymore because the Mentor chat kinda died, which tells me that they're not interested in the project anymore.

I'm even considering leaving the YouTube community, too... I never thought that I would want to leave for such a reason as this. I barely use Twitter, nobody wants to Skype with me unless they're clueless about the happenings of the community like Pan, and people don't even want to listen to my singing anymore. I mean, I agree. I hate hearing my recordings. It's just full of stress because I'm stuck in my fucking bedroom when I should be down in the basement where there's virtually no sound. Stupid dogs bark, our neighbourhood is a high-traffic area because people LOVE shortcuts, and the bus passes every 5-10 minutes. Sonar drops out while I record because my desktop's RAM is a piece of crap, and because of that, I don't enjoy recording anymore. I have more fun just singing, or singing on stage.

I should change my name. Just leave Aelita online and start over as a different cover artist. Not one in the Vocaloid community. Start new.

People will find me again, of course. But, I won't be a member of the Vocaloid community.

I don't know. I need to think about it. (If I tell Elly, she's just going to say "whatever floats your boat" or "you're being stupid.")